I’m Mad. I’m mad that getting fired made me doubt my abilities because I am (was) damn good at my job. And more importantly, I bring a lot of talent apart from strict job skills to the table. Lately I’ve fallen into a pit of self doubt so when I’d walk into interviews rather than sharing all the success I’d had in accounts and the growth I was directly responsible for I’d focus on the bitter end and suffocate in a pit of word vomit - trying to articulate where things got a little off track but as one does, over explaining and making things sound so much worse because I’m stumbling along out loud trying to explain why I was fired when I don’t even agree with the grounds in the first place. Why am I siding with my ex employer when I should be advocating for myself?
The bottom line is, my accounts were hitting their goals. Clients were happy. And after over three years with no true account review sit downs with management and virtually no performance feedback, all of a sudden my work just wasn’t enough. There was no hey Jenn, you moved up the ranks from junior to senior analyst over your time here and went from knowing absolutely nothing about digital marketing to training new hires so we wanted to sit down and let you know that we’re unhappy with the following things. You have X amount of time to show us improvements. It was just like hey, bye.
When you’re fired it feels like it’s all your fault, but that’s not always the case. It wasn’t for me and it’s not for lots of other people. Sometimes it’s a lack of management, a failure of communication chains, or something entirely out of your hands.
Logically, I know that to be true, but I’m a person that prefers to undersell and over perform. Unfortunately we live in a world where that mind set will honestly get you nowhere. I don’t want to be someone that gloats about their skill and their crazy work performance and then gets hired and just sort of skates by with average results. I’d rather be honest and say look, I’ve got the skill but until I’m in an account and can see for myself what I’m working with I can’t make any promises other than that I’ll do my best and continue adjusting and striving for complete success. I’m frustrated because I just don’t want to play the interview game.
It just takes a day like today where I was in the zone, ideas and logistical problem solving like a beast to remember hey, I’m a straight boss. I’m a mover and a shaker and I need to look for an environment that will not only appreciate that, but inspire and cultivate growth because employee growth is what takes a company to the top of it’s game. I look at things a little different than most people in the room and that’s what makes me an asset. We all have skills that are difficult to articulate and see in ourselves but on the days we do - oh boy the world should just watch out.
Today I found my inner fire again thanks to some passion projects I’ve been diving into and I can’t wait to hit the ground running. I hope that reading this, gave someone the courage to believe in their skills and say, maybe you chose not to see all the light, creativity and growth I brought to my projects but I choose to see my success and keep moving forward and upwards.
It took a little longer than I’d have liked to embrace all my positive qualities and I wish I wouldn’t have started taking interviews for dream jobs without my full confidence restored but there’s no changing the past and as long as I stay true to myself and my passion for challenges I know I’ve got a bright future ahead of me. I’ve just got to start attacking my future like the mover and shaker I know myself to be.